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LIFESTYLE

Ask Coach Carole: Resolving Conflicting Priorities

Carole Rehbock
Guest Author
February 2008

Dear Coach Carole,

I am a professional woman with a job that I like, a satisfying marriage and a wonderful family, including elderly parents. However, there are so many things I want to do which I never get around to such as classes on job improvement, traveling and spending more time with my parents. There are too many priorities to juggle. They’re important but they conflict with each other. If I advance in my job I’m worried that I won’t have enough time for my family. If we travel I might not have enough money to take care of my parents. How can I fit it all in when I just barely manage now?

Sincerely,

Conflicted

Dear Conflicted,

First acknowledge how much you have accomplished and that you have goals you want to pursue. There seems to be an innate conflict for many people around the idea of managing multiple priorities. We all have so many ‘shoulds’ in our life – the things on our ‘to do’ list, along with the feeling that there will never be enough time or resources to do them.

Often it is the way that we describe what is competing for our time that causes it to seem like a conflict. We often go right to the “either/or” stance that assumes that priorities are mutually exclusive or worry about “what if scenarios”. We forget that we can make several things work, and that our fears may not be reality. We get stuck in our thinking and close off other options.

Ask yourself: “How can I focus on what has meaning for me and make my life work, rather than seeing the things I want as being in conflict?”

The first thing to do is to think outside of the box. Barbara Sher’s book Wishcraft is focused on career; but she includes a wonderful process that can be used for any problem. Her section on brainstorming describes how to take all of your ideas, even the outrageous ones, and use them. She advises to not cross anything off your list, probe into each idea to find the useful elements, think through ways to get around the impractical elements, and/or look for further ideas suggested by the initial idea. Another great resource is The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander This book is loaded with ideas to help expand your perspective.

There are certainly times when we need to make a clear choice about what to do. However, my point is that often we choose to accept our thinking without opening up to new ideas. We listen to our self-limiting thoughts.

Here are some questions to start with that I hope will help you work with your priorities.

• Are there options you haven’t thought of? Ways to get your family involved to support you in some of the “have to do” tasks so you can free up more time for yourself?

• What is the reality of your financial situation? Have you consulted an expert to get a factual assessment?

• Can you work with your boss to take time from work to attend a class that contributes to professional development?

Make a list of your possibilities, include others in your brainstorming and do not censor your thoughts. Allow your creativity and imagination to flow!

All the Best,

Coach Carole

Carole Rehbock is the President and Founder of Consulting & Coaching Solutions. You can reach Carole at carole@rehbocksolutions.com or 510- 843-6417.