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Lifestyle

Ask Coach Carole

Carole Rehbock
Connection Contributor
July 2008

Dear Coach Carole

In your last column you talked about moving forward in uncertain times. I am trying to be pro-active; however I have so many things to consider I am a bit overwhelmed. There are some big decisions about my work given some of the organizational changes that might take place. It is all speculation at this point but I want to be prepared. I love living in the Bay Area but the cost of living has me thinking about whether I should relocate to the Midwest where my family lives. Then there are the day-to-day decisions about managing my team, staying productive and positive.

With all that is going on I just don’t know where to start and I have not even talked about my personal life. What do you suggest?

Sincerely,

Not Sure Where To Start

Dear Not Sure,

Yes, there is a great deal to think about and to consider. You certainly are doing what you can to take control of those things that are in your control. There are a variety of ways in which we make decisions, such as decision trees, force field analysis, lists of pros and cons, talking to friends and family, and so forth. However, the answers are not always that easy or black and white and require some thought and evaluation of both the facts and your values. A powerful tool for making decisions, and a good place to start which is sometimes overlooked, is self-reflection.

Whether the decision is large or small, some process of self-reflection will allow room for clarity on your criteria, what is meaningful to you, and what matches your priorities.

For some of my clients, self-reflection is quite challenging given their already full schedules. Whether you call it “going within”, “self discovery,” or “self-reflection,” it requires a time and place to get quiet so you can hear your inner voice of wisdom. Taking time out to be quiet and reflective means changing the pace of your normal routine.

What are we actually looking for when we go inward? What does that phrase really mean? One of my mentors, Dr. Fredric Hudson, coined the term “cocooning” as a phase we all go through during transition. This is time we get in touch with our core values and re-evaluate our situation.

Effective self-discovery requires some faith that an answer will emerge through quiet examination. In our fast-paced, results-oriented culture, we tend to think that “doing” will give us an answer. It takes some discipline to allow ourselves to simply be, to sit and contemplate who we are, and to think about how a potential decision aligns with our values.

The self-reflection process can take many forms. What is important is to find something that works for you and is done on some regular basis. Here are some tips from my clients on what they have found successful:

• Journal for 5-10 minutes a day or a few times a week.

• Meditate - there are many CD’s that give instructions and walk you through the process.

• Set aside one hour a week alone to walk in nature.

• Keep a small notebook and jot down your ideas and thoughts about what has value and meaning for you.

• Use your lunch hour to walk or sit in a quiet place.

• Take 10 minutes to sit quietly after work and before going home.

• Use books that have self-reflection exercises like LifeLaunch by Fedric Hudson and Mastering Life’s Energies by Maria Nemeth.

• Take time each day to vision how you would like your life to be

I hope some of these ideas will be helpful in your decision making process. So where to start? Self-reflection.

Best,

Coach Carole

Carole Rehbock is the President and Founder of Consulting & Coaching Solutions. You can reach Carole at carole@rehbocksolutions.com or 510- 843-6417.